The fog has settled and I don’t know which way is up

Hello again friends. I felt compelled to write a post, but I don’t know necessarily what I’m trying to say. My auditory comprehension has been horrendous and I feel like I’ve been lost in a fog the past few weeks. Some of it might be due to smoking, so that will be something to look for in the future when I take my next break, but I do feel like there is legitimacy with my experiences. Yesterday, I had to ask my boss 3-4 times what he said because I couldn’t understand what he said. It’s starting to get a little embarrassing, almost. I know my workplace can be a loud environment and in general, and the wearing of masks has definitely increased the issue of not understanding what people are saying but I almost feel like I’m paralyzed- like my brain is paralyzed. My sensory problems have been increasing and sound has always been a big one that has affected me. I can’t really formulate clear, conscious thought.

Outside of how it affects me at work, I’ve had a lot of issues with comprehension and mental planning when it comes to working on this blog and associated projects. I made an Instagram to go along with this blog in hopes of getting readers to come check it out but social media has never been my strong suit. It might just be due to the Autism and/or being technologically challenged, but I’ve never felt terribly compelled to post on social media very often or try to create engagement. It almost feels like I’m trying to learn a whole different language that I don’t understand. I only really know how to post pictures and put captions but I don’t understand reels, I don’t know how to repost things to my story, and I just feel like I need a tutor. I’ve tried doing research and I’ve tried to make sense of how other people do it, but I just can’t seem to grasp the concept. I’m also kind of embarrassed to try and ask for help. I’ve never been one to ask for help from anyone and I still struggle with that. I’ve never felt like I had much to say and I never really believed anyone would care what I had to say. It’s only been recently, since starting this blog, that I have started to believe that I might have relevance in this world; maybe someone would be able to relate or understand what my brain is like. Maybe there is someone out there that might find solace in the words I’m writing and can feel heard. That’s what I’ve always wanted- just to be heard and understood.

I apologize for the last few posts I’ve written. I feel like they don’t have a lot of direction and it’s mostly just my ramblings and the word vomit that is emitting from my brain. I know ramblings are part of what this blog is about, but I know I can’t create the space I want for this blog with the lack in structure and neurological processing. Maybe I’ll come back and revamp this post later or maybe I’ll just forget of it’s existence. We’ll see.

Side note- sophisticat #2 just decided he needed to help proofread this post and has planted myself on my lap and keyboard. Such a silly boy, my little trapper. If you don’t understand this reference, look back at my previous post about the horrible spider that took over my home and psyche.