Why, 2023?

Hey there friends, it's been quite some time since I wrote here. I know I eluded in January to how wild life has a been in that last year, and yet it has continued to be complete trash.

Last year was a year of a lot of exploration, figuring out parts of who I am, losing friends, gaining friends, and questioning my relationship with sophisti-spouse. I know that's a pretty stark change given how just a year or so ago, I was trying to get him on board with having a baby and now I don't even know if we will make it to the end of the year without filing for divorce. I haven't decided yet if this is something I want to write about in detail. It might be cathartic but it might just end up getting me in trouble, as most things do.

Trauma has enveloped my life and I'm honestly having a hard time just getting by each and every day. I've never felt more like a shell of my former self and I don't know how to get out of this spiral. I know drowning my thoughts in alcohol and drugs hasn't gotten me anywhere except almost dead, so hopefully with a clearer mind, I can try and process the bullshit that is life. It just sucks when you don't really have your partner's active support or checking in on you or things like that. It's not validating and it's making me incredibly sad. I don't have many people I can turn to for support and even less of ones that would actually understand what is going on in my life. I don't know what to do, but I'm hoping maybe writing some of this out will help get the feelings out of my brain and somewhere constructive. Will I post those? I'm not sure. Considering the anonymity of this blog, I would think it would be safe to write it out here and I'm pretty sure at this point, I have no active readers given my inconsistency of writing. If anyone happens to come across this, there will be more posts to come with updates and back stories.

Fuck you, 2023.

Sincerely,

A